Define "chronic" masturbator.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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