i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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