My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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