be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
So squirting runs in the family.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
