I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize