"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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