:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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