That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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