HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
