my soul wont recognize me after tonight
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
