if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
