Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
