I wish I could punch you in the face.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
