did you get engaged???
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
