I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
