i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
