You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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