I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
