your thong is hanging out like whoa
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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