omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize