I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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