I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
