weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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