my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Sorry my hands just texted you
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
