Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
