I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
