I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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