Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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