Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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