I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
