Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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