I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
