I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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