totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
