All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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