I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
