Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize