I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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