I just made out with a guy for $7.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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