I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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