I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
