Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize