She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
