you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
