I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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