I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
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