I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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