he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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