I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
