Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
