do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Randomize
