Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
