Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
