I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
