hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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