Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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