Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
