Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Two words: nipple clamps
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