ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
