Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I love you. Go after that dick
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