I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
