i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
