I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
