I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
