So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
