so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
