Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
