You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
