Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize