Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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