I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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