Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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