A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
