Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
