things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
