There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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