tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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