Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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