So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
