I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
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