I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize