So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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