So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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