please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
