I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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